Over the last two weeks, I focused on the challenging art of both giving and receiving feedback. I’m wrapping up this series with yet one more challenge many of us face; accepting positive feedback.
We know that providing positive input to team members can do wonders to motivate and engage them. And yet actually accepting that feedback can be inexplicably difficult. Often, we’ll zero in on the developmental feedback instead; and discount the positive. And yet, if we understand those compliments can serve to motivate us further, why do so many of us deflect them? Moreover, how do we strengthen the capacity not just to hear it, but to internalize it as well?
EMBRACE THE COMPLIMENT RATHER THAN IGNORE
I have a horrible habit of deflecting anything positive with either a dismissive “thank you” or “no big deal.” I need to knock that off, and instead view that positive comment as information gathering. For example, if we are praised consistently for something (a skill, a mindset, etc.), it’s logical this is probably something we enjoy doing. Instead of casting aside the words of praise, offer a polite thank you and then actually listen to the person taking the time to share. Ask questions, rather than quickly moving on to the next item. The point is to follow up the thanks with a follow-on question to get a deeper understanding. When we are good at something, seek to understand why that is.
YOU ARE NOT FISHING, YOU ARE LEARNING
No, asking a follow-up question does not have to equate to fishing for compliments. There is plenty to learn from someone who is giving you positive feedback. They have taken the time to share with you; maximize that opportunity. A simple “I really appreciate that feedback, especially coming from you. Would you mind sharing a little more about why you saw X that way, so I can get a better understanding and repeat it in the future?” Yes, I acknowledge it feels weird. Perhaps practice with a trusted friend or peer before you put it into action. Think of it as a definite gift to aid in your learning and development.
CORE STRENGTHS
We all have things we are good at, but do you know which of your many talents helps you stand out from the crowd? Often when we do what comes naturally, we can take for granted that it might just be the thing that differentiates us. When we can recognize a strength, we can use it to better craft our overall value proposition. Weaving in the lessons learned from the positive feedback themes you receive can aid tremendously in being able to do this.
MODEL THE WAY
When positive feedback is given in the same conversation as developmental feedback is given, many tend to tune out the positive and focus only on the negative messages. Practice building your “accepting the positive skills” by focusing on modeling behavior that would maximize your team's’ experience doing the same. For example, find times to catch people doing things “right” and offer praise with no “buts” attached - no developmental words, just the positive. In addition, recognize that we often advise how to remediate the negative feedback. Apply the same practice with positive feedback. In other words, make it actionable. A simple, “I’m so impressed you shared your point of view in the team meeting… I’m going to challenge you to share at least once in each meeting to continue to build your confidence in speaking up in groups. Hearing from you adds some serious impact!”
We all thrive when we are motivated in the right ways. While developmental feedback can go a long way in helping us learn from our mistakes, positive feedback can be just as valuable in terms of our personal development. That, and it sure feels good to hear what we are doing right every so often!
Christina Luconi is Chief People Officer for Rapid7. Follow her on Twitter: @peopleinnovator