Last week, I shared thoughts about the art of giving feedback. Just as challenging, however, is the art of receiving feedback. I’ll focus on receiving difficult feedback, as the majority of us are capable of hearing the good stuff. (That said, I’ll do a final post next week on how to take positive critique and use it to your advantage). Regardless of who the feedback comes from, our ability to do this well can prove to be invaluable in helping you to achieve your full potential.
Let’s get real though: critical feedback of any kind can plain sting. Whether we admit it or not, we all want to be liked, respected, and have the people we work with think we are amazing. Receiving critical feedback, by definition, confirms we aren’t quite perfect. For high achieving people who are aiming to thrive, it can put a dent in our self-esteem. And yet intellectually, we understand and must embrace that we need this input if we are going to continue to keep improving.
How can you balance maintaining a healthy ego with an ability to take feedback constructively? Find four steps below that can help you master the art of receiving feedback.
LISTEN ACTIVELY
As pointed out in last week’s post, it can be difficult for the person giving feedback to share, so be mindful of the notion that this might be a robust conversation for her as well and show her both respect and patience. You can do this by maintaining eye contact, using open body language (unclench those fists and uncross those arms!). When she’s done sharing, summarize the key messages and ask questions to clarify if necessary. Ask for examples that support the feedback.
DO NOT ARGUE
Be careful not to turn your clarifying questions into a defensive move. Even if you believe the feedback is just plain wrong or off-base, if you get defensive, you’re showing the feedback giver that you are unreceptive. That’s not going to help anyone. If you disagree, become upset or angry, give yourself some time to calm down before responding. If you display defensiveness or an unwillingness to listen too often, you can end up with an “uncoachable” label. No one wants that. Listen, ask your questions and choose your words carefully, and end with a polite, “Thank you for sharing.” Any feedback can help you to improve your performance, so always consider how you can refine the behavior, attitude, or situation.
EVALUATE THE INPUT
Ok, you survived the discussion. Now it’s time to decide what you want to do with this new input. While you shouldn’t just discount it altogether, you shouldn’t rush to accept it either unequivocally. Sit on it for a day or two, and really consider it. Is it additional feedback on something you were already working on? Does the person sharing have all the information or credibility to share their observations? Have you heard this feedback before? Reflect on the feedback and determine your next steps, and how are going to use the feedback to further your continued development.
PUT IT TO WORK
Once you’ve decided what feedback you’ll embrace, develop a game plan to find opportunities to put it into action. Include the feedback giver in this plan. A simple, “Hey, if you see me doing X again, please give me a signal so I can continue to make improvements?”
Giving feedback can be hard; receiving it can be harder. If you can embrace that people taking the time to provide you with constructive contributions will only make your awesome self that much better, you’re well on your way to appreciating that while getting praised can feel good, it’s the developmental feedback that can be invaluable to our career success.
Christina Luconi is Chief People Officer for Rapid7. Follow her on Twitter: @peopleinnovator