Providing feedback is arguably one of the most significant gifts we can give to each other in the workplace. That is, of course, if it is done well. Giving feedback can help people along their continual development paths, and aid them in becoming aware of their blind spots. The ability to give feedback is not just about the person receiving it; learning how to give feedback properly is critical to your own personal growth and development. Next week, we’ll focus on RECEIVING feedback. This week, let’s explore how to get stronger at GIVING feedback.
Let’s start with the basics. Dispensing feedback does not mean negative feedback, though I don’t know a person who doesn’t have a slight panic attack when someone says to them, “I’d love to give you some feedback.” When you get into a routine of providing frequent and productive feedback on what’s going right - in addition to that of the developmental variety - you are doing wonders to strengthen your relationship and trust with that person. In addition, you are showing you are committed to partnering with them on their continued development journey. When they realize you are sharing both the positives and the places for improvement, it removes the negative connotation with the term “feedback” and makes that person more receptive to it over time.
FEAR OF FEEDBACK
The way in which we provide feedback to our people can significantly impact our organizational culture and team environment. Whether this impact is for the better or worse depends largely on how it’s received. And yet, if we know this, why do so many managers and teammates fail to provide it?
Because it can be scary. Often, the person giving the feedback is nervous that they won’t land the message well, or that the person receiving it will freak out. The only way we can truly evolve and develop is to understand our blind spots. If we knew what they were, the majority of us would actively work to continue producing them. We’d also build our confidence by understanding our strengths because someone took the time to acknowledge them. In short, to be a good people leader or teammate, this is part of your responsibility. Want to be good? Embrace the notion that helping others in this journey is part of the gig and put the fear on the back burner.
CONSIDER YOUR APPROACH
Ever want to really throw someone off their game? Get in their face immediately after watching them stumble, and confirm they had an epic fail. Trust me, they know.
Instead, wait until a bit of the dust has settled and aim to share when the receiver is in a better headspace to listen. Then consider your approach and mindset. If you make the assumption that this is going to be a brutal conversation, it will become one. If the giver is thinking in terms of criticism or negativity, it adds undue stress to both parties. Rather, choose your timing and your words carefully. You may want to ask the receiver if they are ready to hear your feedback. A simple, “Do you have some time to debrief that meeting?” can make a world of difference.
If they say no, give them a bit of processing time. And if they never circle back to share their readiness, gently find a time you believe is better. Unless it’s absolutely urgent, by showing the person you respect them enough to ask if they are ready to listen, it makes a big difference in their ability to actually hear it. When you give feedback with positive language and a collaborative mindset, it will ease the tension for you both. The key is making sure the feedback is constructive. Additionally, if you set up a dynamic of debriefing after every big meeting, presentation, etc., sharing feedback both ways becomes part of the normal routine; and becomes far less intimidating.
START WITH WHAT’S GOING WELL...
It’s a heck of a lot easier for someone to hear the developmental feedback if you start with something positive. For example, if someone has had a rough meeting with a customer, I might start by saying, “Good job overall, Sophia. I love the confidence and the way you listened to the customer concerns in that meeting.” While you don’t want to overly sugarcoat it, starting with positive feedback leaves the recipient more open to the rest of your input.
...THEN FOLLOW UP WITH LETTING THEM GIVE FEEDBACK TO THEMSELVES
Secret trick to giving tough feedback? Let people give it to themselves. We do this by asking a simple question. I might follow up the above example with a “How do you think the meeting went? What went well, and what would you change?” Let them process, and collect their thoughts. They might respond, with “What do you think?” Be prepared to share an example of the developmental feedback you wanted to give. Give specific examples, and don’t avoid the message you want to land. You are in conversation mode now, and you’ve already shared something positive. After providing your input, stop talking. Pausing will cause the person to begin to share, as no one wants to sit there in silence. And when you’ve given them the opportunity to surface the feedback themselves, they walk away from the conversation feeling more empowered, rather than having just received tough feedback. It might not be the easiest conversation, but putting them in the position of feeling like they can own their strengths and weaknesses makes it far easier. Just make sure you help them tie it all together with a suggestion or strategy for how to be more successful next time.
Christina Luconi is Chief People Officer for Rapid7. Follow her on Twitter: @peopleinnovator