When I was just starting out, it was suggested to me that I go seek out mentors to aid in my career development. At the time, that ultimately meant if I could attach myself to senior people in my field, they could potentially dispense wisdom and guidance that I could hopefully benefit from.
Candidly, that approach didn’t work for me. In most cases, it felt forced, as if neither side was fully bought in. As a result, I took a different approach.
There are some elements of mentoring which are truly important and valid. Finding the right person - or combination of people - can help enhance perspective, develop skills, and strengthen engagement and productivity. Who doesn’t want that? The challenge is finding those people and matching in an authentic, impactful way.
If you are fortunate enough to identify people you respect and feel you could learn from who are willing to generously invest their time in you, wonderful. Proceed carefully though. On the surface, it might seem like a fantastic match. However, not every mentor, regardless of their willingness to help, is cut out to mentor others. And not every recipient, no matter how eager and open-minded, can receive information in that mentor’s particular way.
Looking to pursue a meaningful mentor relationship? Read on for some simple guidelines to consider.
UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WANT A MENTOR
Many of us intellectually understand we could benefit from someone in our lives with experience, connections, and the willingness to coach and guide us. Maybe they can help us navigate pitfalls, introduce us to influential people, and inspire and encourage us along the way. Seriously, who wouldn’t jump at the chance to develop a relationship with someone who might potentially guide your career in a positive direction? And if that’s the case, why doesn’t everyone have one? Often, people will seek out that magical person they think will be “that person” for them, and approach them with an earnest “Will you mentor me?” request. Keep reading for a potentially better approach to get you what you are searching for.
FOCUS ON THE RELATIONSHIP, NOT FORMALIZATION
Step into the mentor’s shoes. If someone you don’t really know well or have a relationship with says something as intimate as “Will you mentor me?” how would you feel? Likely, slightly awkward. There are so many unknowns… Why do I want to invest in this person? How much time? How frequently do you connect? Instead, focus on finding people you can nurture organic relationships with, regardless of title, structure or specific parameters. If you begin to build a network of wise people you can learn from, you are far more likely to gain access to a broad range of perspectives and benefit rather than hitching your wagon to one formal relationship.
WHAT TO LOOK FOR IN IDENTIFYING PEOPLE
Don’t just shine your focus on that incredible CXO or high powered person you aspire to be someday. Think broader, and more diverse. Personally, I’ve found tremendous value investing in relationships with wide range people at all career levels, in varying functions. I have something to learn from all of them. And when I reach out to ask that diverse group of people with the same question, I find if I can connect the dots in terms of themes I hear, I’m probably headed down the right path. Also valuable can be investing in fostering relationships with peer groups. By doing so, I’ve created the potential for people who understand my world, who have each other’s backs, are working through similar challenges, etc. In other words, cast a wide net to target people who meet a variety of your needs, and then invest the time to nurture those relationships with those who show mutual interest. For a deeper understanding of what I’m talking about here, check out this “diversity of mindset” post.
...AND WHAT DO DO WHEN YOU FIND THEM.
Let’s start with the premise that anyone you feel like you might truly gain value from is likely fairly busy. Whether someone is introducing you, or you are reaching out cold, be respectful of what you are asking for. Attempt to find common ground, whether it’s referring to something they posted on social media or sharing why you believe there is an insight to be gained from a conversation with them and how you will apply it. In other words, people’s time is valuable. If they invest time with a stranger, don’t abuse it by asking for a committed relationship before you’ve had a first date. If you are fortunate enough to get the person to sit down for a cup of coffee with you, be prepared with questions, perhaps a real life situation you are seeking guidance on, etc. Thank the person for their time, and ask if there is anything you can do to repay the favor. And cast a wide net; some of these relationships might flourish organically, while some may completely fizzle.
Building relationships with people you can grow and learn from are one of the best investments we can make in our careers. If you don’t know where to get started, ask your boss about her approach, or perhaps if they have suggestions for people she might introduce you too. In short, there is something to learn from nearly everyone. Just set your sights on a wide variety of people, invest the time and energy in those relationships, and be prepared to give as much as you take.
Christina Luconi is Chief People Officer for Rapid7. Follow her on Twitter: @peopleinnovator.